I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
