You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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