we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
