i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
