We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
