And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize