I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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