When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
