Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize