if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
