This is not my ceiling
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
