Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
