Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
