I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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