So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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