That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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