I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
