Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
