Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
