I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
