I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
