And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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