bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just pynch a tree in the face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
