The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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