pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
