you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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