It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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