I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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