How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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