She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
