Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
