Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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