Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
