Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
