I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
