whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
