I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
