I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
