he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
