We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
