i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
