The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
