she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
