apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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