You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Pooping to opera.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
