dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
