Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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