I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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