I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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