I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
