Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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