Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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