Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
