He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
