I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sext me about skeletons
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
