So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
