It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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