While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize