apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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