What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Plan B is the new Plan A
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
