I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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