I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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