Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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