it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
