Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
