the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
