what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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