it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
