Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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