Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
