I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
