You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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