just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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