is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
