We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize