Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
