im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How naked do you want me to be?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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